Just a thought on sleeplessness, sickness, and moving on...

Like I always say... it's been a while and some things have definitely changed...an update is in order.

Disclaimer:
This post is all over the place... sorry for the disorganization... Maybe my next post will be better written.

My sleep is messed up. I've been up since 5 am and what have I been doing? Switching between watching new Degrassi and old America's Next Top Model. Yup, I'm awesome, I watch new teen soap operas and old modeling contests that I already know who wins lol. Anyway, I sleep about 2-3 hours at a time all day. I know it sounds like it would be cool, just little naps all day long, but I'm always tired.

My sleep might be messed up because I've been sick since Father's Day... Yup, just over a month. Here's what happened...

First, me and Ambrose went to eat at Furr's Cafeteria, for those who don't know or have never been, you stand in line and get food served to you cafeteria style. Well, as much as I tried to eat "safe" things, or at least healthier things, I got home and was feeling sick. A few hours later, I was puking... The next day I felt awful, it was Father's Day and I went and saw my dad and then came back home and we went to Lisa's house. I didn't really eat anything and I was feeling feverish, tired, and had a terrible headache. Chuck (my brother in law) gave me an Aleve for my headache, he said it's the only thing that helps him. I took one pill and a few minutes later, I felt a little itchy. Then I felt bumps on my neck. I took off the sweatshirt I was wearing and I was covered in hives. I went from feeling really cold to feeling really hot. I was miserable all night long and then in the morning they seemed to fade away. I felt tired and run down all day and then swollen and red with hives all night. I would cycle through being freezing, then burning, then sweating profusely all night long with fevers of almost 103 degrees all day and all night. By the time I got to the doctor I got a range diagnoses from possible Malaria (yup, Apocalypse Now flashes) because of my trip to Venezuela about a year ago, to just some virus. I learned that Malaria can show symptoms even a year after infection.

Apocalypse Now... a crazy part

My vitals were apparently shockingly bad I was ordered to take my temperature every few hours, take tylenol around the clock, and come back in a few days after some blood tests. When I went back, things seemed to be getting a little better with all the fluids I was drinking. However, I saw a different doctor, and she didn't know what was going on at all. My liver tests were bad and she suggested that I had Hepatitis from Furr's. Even though I've been vaccinated against Hep A and Hep B. Still, she ordered tests for Hepatitis and Malaria. After a week of waiting for a call back with test results, I still have the possibilities of Malaria and Hepatitis hanging over my head, my family is pressuring me to find out. I finally call the dr to find out. After 3 calls, leaving 3 messages, I finally get a call back that all my tests are normal and I probably just have some virus. They explained how long it lasted because the food poisoning and then the allergic reaction had my system so stressed that I picked up a virus that I could normally fight off but couldn't this time. I've come to the conclusion that doctors can't possibly understand or know what's really going on inside someone else's body. I stayed tired and missed so much work. Finally, last week I started feeling back to normal, all that's left is occasional vertigo...then, Monday night I felt a sore throat... I am getting Ambrose's cold. It just sucks being sick for so long. It makes me worry about my overall health. Getting unexplained illnesses that last a long time...it's probably just my negativity rearing up and making me a hypochondriac, thinking I'm dying of some mystery disease...

As for moving on... Things have definitely changed.

bye-bye Hive

Hello Bee's LOL

I quit The Hive... I just hated working there... I dreaded going in and I counted the minutes until I could leave. I just don't want to live like that. So, one day during my lunchbreak I went into my old Applebee's and applied for a job. Only a few of the people that I used to work with still work there, but most of the managers are the same and they hired me right away. So when I got back to Verizon, I gave my 2 weeks notice. Going back to Applebee's gives me a job with the freedom I really want. However, I still hate it. I find myself giving away more shifts than I work. Which is fine for now, but I can only live on maybe a few hundred a week for so long. When I actually work all my scheduled shifts I make the same if not more than I was at Verizon, but I rarely work all my shifts. Hopefully, I can keep this up just a little while longer before......

We're buying a house!!! Well, sort of. My mom is selling her house in Roswell and she's buying a house for "us" to live together. I'm a little conflicted for SO many reasons.

This should be my shirt

• Me and Ambrose will be living with my mom indefinitely... my mom can REALLY get on my nerves...
• It feels artificial because she's supplying the money... I feel like she's buying the house and we're living there, like it's only partially starting mine and Ambrose's real grown up life.
• We're leaving Ambrose's mom to live by herself... that's bad news because Ambrose is afraid she'll sell the house and he'll lose his beloved garage and all the things that his dad built, among other things. It's also sad because I know she feels more secure with us here, we can just go over and check on her or help her with something. But, hopefully we'll find a house that's real close so our relationship doesn't have to change too much.
• I feel like it's the "End"... before, I would think about living different places, like California, Las Vegas, Colorado, it's like the future was full of possibilities...and now, we'll be living somewhere and that's it... The good thing about being in this static position that we've been living in for so long is that I could dream about what came next. But, the reality is, we need to move on in life.

Before I let this post be too long for anyone to read in one sitting, I've also decided to go back to school for Nursing. I briefly considered Medical school, but sadly, I'm not a shark. I may have the brains, but I don't have the aggressiveness to make it through the competition of Medical School. I can't imagine my entire life being about one thing. I would love to be that passionate about something, maybe then I'd feel like I had some purpose, but I don't feel it. I think I would be a good nurse even if I'm wishing inside that I was a doctor. Who knows, the way I am, I might change my mind tomorrow. 

Well, I think that's it for now, I'm going to try to post shorter entries more often instead of saving everything up for one marathon post... ;)